{"id":2179,"date":"2019-05-27T13:09:21","date_gmt":"2019-05-27T13:09:21","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/laurasanchezpsicologa.com\/?p=2179"},"modified":"2023-06-09T12:25:00","modified_gmt":"2023-06-09T12:25:00","slug":"controlling-relationships","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/laurasanchezpsicologa.com\/en\/controlling-relationships\/","title":{"rendered":"CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIPS"},"content":{"rendered":"\t\t<div data-elementor-type=\"wp-post\" data-elementor-id=\"2179\" class=\"elementor elementor-2179\" data-elementor-post-type=\"post\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<section class=\"elementor-section elementor-top-section elementor-element elementor-element-4c7ff39 elementor-section-boxed elementor-section-height-default elementor-section-height-default\" data-id=\"4c7ff39\" data-element_type=\"section\" data-e-type=\"section\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-container elementor-column-gap-default\">\n\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-column elementor-col-100 elementor-top-column elementor-element elementor-element-da26bd6\" data-id=\"da26bd6\" data-element_type=\"column\" data-e-type=\"column\">\n\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-wrap elementor-element-populated\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-element elementor-element-a6b42ef elementor-widget elementor-widget-text-editor\" data-id=\"a6b42ef\" data-element_type=\"widget\" data-e-type=\"widget\" data-widget_type=\"text-editor.default\">\n\t\t\t\t<div class=\"elementor-widget-container\">\n\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<div id=\"left-area\"><article id=\"post-1770\" class=\"et_pb_post post-1770 post type-post status-publish format-standard has-post-thumbnail hentry category-relationships\"><div class=\"entry-content\"><p>Interpersonal relationships<\/p><p>Controlling relationships are much more frequent than we would like to. Everyone sometimes in their lives has been controlled mentally or emotionally, among other types of control (economic, social, at work etc\u2026).<\/p><p>The main responsible of these kind of relationships is often found in our own circles: oppressive parents, authoritarian siblings, controlling friends, dysfunctional partners, bosses or teachers, or coercive workmates.\u00a0<\/p><p>The psychological mechanisms they use are mostly subtle and almost undetectable. Sometimes we simply don\u2019t want to see what\u2019s going on, we just close our eyes in front of a reality that doesn\u2019t allow us to improve or be ourselves.<\/p><p>When it happens to us, we are led to think they are acting for our good, because they love us and they care\u2026 Nothing could be further from the truth. Living our lives according to their rules, their limits and their \u201cemotional racketeering\u201d, allowing them to manipulate us psychologically, emotionally, socially and\/or economically means losing our power and control over our own existence. They not only undermine our self esteem, they also ruin us at a mental, emotional and somatic level. They make us feel unable, inferior, sad, angry, vulnerable, and tired at a psychological level.<\/p><p>The pattern these \u201ccontrollers\u201d use just steals our identity and doesn\u2019t let us grow or evolve in a functional and healthy way. The most frequent sentences I hear in my sessions are \u201cIf you don\u2019t do that, I\u2019ll go mad, scream or punish you\u201d; \u201cif you don\u2019t do it my way, I\u2019ll make you feel guilty\u201d; \u201cIf you don\u2019t settle your life as I say, you\u2019ll be unhappy; \u201cIf you don\u2019t split up with your partner, I will not help you economically and I won\u2019t support you\u201d; \u201cIf you don\u2019t study what I say, I won\u2019t pay for it, because it\u2019s completely useless\u201d; and some more subtle statements like \u201cI don\u2019t love you as much as before\u201d; \u201cYou\u2019re not the same anymore\u201d; \u201cYou can\u2019t do it, you\u2019re not as smart as the others\u201d; \u201cYou are just one more worker in here\u201d; \u201cBecause I say so\u201d and so on\u2026<\/p><p>Controlling individuals usually come from relatives with narcissistic personalities, obsessive and perfectionist personalities, psychopathic psychological patterns and dysfunctional individuals in professional, familiar or personal spaces. The worst-case scenario is when those people were subject to a strong mental, emotional and\/or economic pressure since childhood, hence they resist accepting reality, until time and professional help make them understand\u2026 therapeutic help is essential in those cases, because of the guilt burden and the huge background of negative emotions.<\/p><p>Unfortunately, those patterns pass on from parents to children, like a chain,\u00a0 and are projected onto partners, friends and co-workers.<\/p><p>The only way of eradicating a controlling relationship is to become conscious of who the \u201ccontrollers\u201d are, establishing healthy boundaries or, in more severe cases, moving away from them. It\u2019s time to start being responsible for ourselves: take off importance from them, focus on our own lives, make our own decisions, experience the consequences of our choices. We are not them. By taking control of our lives, their control will simply disappear. Start being the main character of your story, you deserve a happy life.<\/p><p>Last, but not least, not everyone is manipulating or controlling. Some people are really there to help us through our life journey. We need to understand the difference between good advice and psychological manipulation, it\u2019s as simple and essential as this: advice \u201cgives\u201d something to us. It could add\u00a0 knowledge, perception, understanding of a situation, good ideas etc\u2026 It helps us becoming more in tune with ourselves, makes us more conscious of who we are and what are our talents and strengths. On the other hand, manipulation -or the controlling relationship- \u201csteals\u201d something from us. It takes away our mental, emotional, social or economic balance. The difference lies in how it makes us feel. A good suggestion inspires and boosts, while control just weakens. Accepting advice is good. Letting other people control you is terribly wrong.<\/p><\/div><\/article><\/div>\t\t\t\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t<\/section>\n\t\t\t\t<\/div>\n\t\t","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"<p>Interpersonal relationships Controlling relationships are much more frequent than we would like to. Everyone sometimes in their lives has been controlled mentally or emotionally, among other types of control (economic, social, at work etc\u2026). The main responsible of these kind of relationships is often found in our own circles: oppressive parents, authoritarian siblings, controlling friends, [&hellip;]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":2180,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"site-sidebar-layout":"default","site-content-layout":"","ast-site-content-layout":"default","site-content-style":"default","site-sidebar-style":"default","ast-global-header-display":"","ast-banner-title-visibility":"","ast-main-header-display":"","ast-hfb-above-header-display":"","ast-hfb-below-header-display":"","ast-hfb-mobile-header-display":"","site-post-title":"","ast-breadcrumbs-content":"","ast-featured-img":"","footer-sml-layout":"","theme-transparent-header-meta":"","adv-header-id-meta":"","stick-header-meta":"","header-above-stick-meta":"","header-main-stick-meta":"","header-below-stick-meta":"","astra-migrate-meta-layouts":"default","ast-page-background-enabled":"default","ast-page-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"ast-content-background-meta":{"desktop":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"tablet":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""},"mobile":{"background-color":"var(--ast-global-color-5)","background-image":"","background-repeat":"repeat","background-position":"center center","background-size":"auto","background-attachment":"scroll","background-type":"","background-media":"","overlay-type":"","overlay-color":"","overlay-opacity":"","overlay-gradient":""}},"footnotes":""},"categories":[55],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2179","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-relationships"],"yoast_head":"<!-- This site is optimized with the Yoast SEO plugin v27.2 - https:\/\/yoast.com\/product\/yoast-seo-wordpress\/ -->\n<title>CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIPS - Laura S\u00e1nchez psic\u00f3loga<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/laurasanchezpsicologa.com\/en\/controlling-relationships\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"CONTROLLING RELATIONSHIPS - Laura S\u00e1nchez psic\u00f3loga\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"Interpersonal relationships Controlling relationships are much more frequent than we would like to. 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